


All This Time

by InyrilJace



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Post-Hawke estate scene, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 16:24:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8063545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InyrilJace/pseuds/InyrilJace
Summary: After Fenris left that fateful night, Hawke's friends gather around to offer support through this difficult time. Yet she baffles them all with every smile and confident comment. For Hawke does not believe that Fenris is gone forever. He just needs, she says, a little bit of time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is entirely inspired by my first playthrough of DA2. I'd heard about Fenris and wanted only to romance him. So I did, looking up walkthroughs and the like to ensure I perfected his romance. When Fenris left after that night in the mansion, my Hawke was not upset or worried that he would never return, so I decided to write a fic about it. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! This is my first contribution to the Dragon Age fandom! Feedback would be awesome! :)

"How are you holding up?"

A sideways glance showed her a sympathetic expression on Aveline's face, complete with a tiny smile that was more patronising than she probably intended. Hawke mentally rolled her eyes, tempted to sigh and complain sarcastically. Instead she arched an eyebrow and offered a puzzled smile.

"Uh, fine? Why do you ask?"

"I heard," Aveline said and cast a glance around them before lowering her voice further. "About you and Fenris. I'm sorry things turned out that way. You both seemed happy together."

"Oh, that. It's alright, Aveline. Things will work out in the end."

She smiled but the guard captain did not return it. Aveline frowned, clearly confused.

"But … you're not upset?" She sounded bewildered and Hawke shrugged.

"Fenris has to do what he feels is right for himself. I can't deny him that."

"But he left you. He just walked out on you, right after …" Aveline trailed off, utterly thrown off-balance by the steady, unflinching expression on Hawke's face. "You're … really not bothered by this? You're honestly not upset?"

"I was at first, of course. Yet at the same time, it was wonderful while it lasted. If he needs time for himself right now, I am not going to argue with that. Besides," a lop-sided grin came over Hawke's face, "I've got a feeling, Aveline. A good feeling. Anyway, whoever said it was officially over?"

Hawke strode away, leaving a stunned guard captain in her wake. Slight irritation still chafed inside her but she tried to ignore it. She had known word would get out; with friends like Varric it was only a matter of time before everyone knew your business. But the way they were treating her since they found out … it was enough to drive her mad.

Condolences, pitying glances and tiptoeing attempts at asking her how she was feeling. Hawke was beyond exasperated. Could none of them truly believe that she was not depressed by how things had turned out? Could none of them accept that she was actually content?

She glanced in the direction of Fenris' mansion, automatically calculating how quickly she could get there. Just like she always did, no matter where she was, whenever she glanced in the direction of his home. Hawke smiled to herself. Even though she knew she would not interrupt his solitude so soon after he had left, it comforted her to know the distance that lay between them.

That night had been hard for him, she knew. The memories and emotions they had brought back with them could not have been easy to cope with, let alone understand. And then to have it all fade away as quickly as it came … No, Hawke could not fault Fenris for leaving. She could not even be upset that he had not asked for her help. This was his own personal problem and the best way she could support him right now was to give him the space he demanded.

Deep inside of her, a warm glow pulsed at the mere thought of his name. Hawke could not erase the smile from her face, nor stifle the spring in her step. Fenris would be back, she knew it. Whether it took a day, a week, a month – even a year! She knew he would return to her. And she was willing to wait however long it took.

To claim such knowledge was irrational – inconceivable, even! Yet Hawke never doubted her convictions for a moment, humming to herself as she walked the streets. Fenris has chosen her once before. Right now he just needed some time to think and process. Yet after that, she had absolutely no doubt that he would be right back in her arms.

She could hardly wait.

* * *

"Hawke, I heard about what happened. I'm so sorry, you must miss him terribly. Unless you're angry at him. You are angry, aren't you? Oh, I'm sorry! Bringing up a sensitive topic like this-"

"Merrill, it's fine!" she said with a laugh. "I'm not angry with him in the slightest. Fenris just needs a bit of time and space, that's all."

The young Dalish woman opened and shut her mouth, eyes wide and blinking.

"But he left you."

"He needed to leave."

"He said he couldn't do it anymore."

"He needed space."

"He hasn't spoken to you in weeks!"

"So? Until today I hadn't seen you in a few weeks. And I haven't spoken to Carver in months but we still care about each other! Okay, maybe Carver isn't the best example, but Merrill, things really are fine. Just you wait and see."

"You really think he'll come back to you?"

"I know it." The grin on her face was impossible to restrain. Merrill sighed and shook her head enviously.

"Wow. I wish I had your conviction about such things. I can never make up my mind and I often change my mind several times. Am I babbling again?"

* * *

"You want me to have a quiet word with him?"

The question from Varric surprised her, catching her completely off-guard.

"Who?"

"Y'know. _Him_." Varric jerked his head and she followed his gaze to the elf standing on the edge of the group. He was tense and restless, eyes constantly scouring the surrounding area yet always managing to stay averted from her own. Hawke smiled and shook her head.

"There's no need."

"Are you sure, Hawke? He's acting pretty jumpy."

"I'm sure. Just give him a bit of time."

"Time," Varric muttered and shook his head. "You keep saying that. But how much more time are you willing to give him? It's been months, Hawke. Don't you think enough is enough?"

The irritation burned a little brighter than usual, lending a hard edge to her words.

"I'm not giving up on him, Varric."

"Hawke-"

"Do you think all the abuse he's suffered is something he can easily recover from? He needs time! Time and support! And after all that, when he's finally ready by his own standards, I'll still be here waiting for him."

Varric pursed his lips and she knew her words had hurt him, even though she had not meant to.

"I never took you for one to waste your life waiting on a dream."

He walked away before she could respond and Hawke swallowed down the hurt. Why could no-one understand? Why were they all so convinced that Fenris would never return to her? Hadn't they seen the looks they used to give each other? Hadn't they commented often enough on the burning tension between them? Was all of that so easily forgotten?

Her resolve hardened and she squared her shoulders. Hawke did not need any of their approval, she knew the truth for herself! Explaining it was certainly more complicated but Hawke had given up trying long ago, trusting instead to her instincts. There was no painful longing when she glanced at him, only concern for what he was struggling through and glowing confidence that he would return.

Some things could not be explained in words. No matter how her friends shook their head and muttered under their breaths, she would not back down.

* * *

"What do you say? I'm putting out the lamp now. Would you like to stay for a while?"

Awkwardness twisted her stomach and Hawke wondered how she managed to get herself into these situations. She had been so careful, never showing more favour than she thought appropriate, never doing anything that she thought could be construed as flirting. Yet somehow, here they were.

"Oh, Anders … I'm sorry. I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" the mage asked, unable to keep the hurt off his face. "We're good friends, aren't we? You're a mage just like I am. You believe in the same things as me. And you care about me, don't you? I'm sure of it."

"Of course I do, but-"

"But what? Hawke, what am I doing wrong? Why won't you at least take a chance on me? Just once! It can't hurt, can it?"

"Anders, enough. You're a very good friend and I don't want to ruin that."

"You can't tell me you don't have feelings for me."

He was stubborn, just like he always had been. Hawke's heart ached in her chest as she knew, in a way, he was right. There were feelings there, feelings of attraction that flickered towards romance. Yet she carried other feelings within herself, ones that she refused to give away.

"Perhaps I do. But they're not as strong as the feelings I have f-"

"For him?" Anders looked scandalised. "Honestly? After all this time? Marian, it's been a year! He's not coming back to you! When are you going to let go and just get over him?"

"I love him, Anders!" she snapped, furious that he dared use her first name like this, as though he had some right to speak so intimately to her. "There is no getting over that! You of all people should know that!"

Brilliant pain bloomed over Anders' face and Hawke faltered, suddenly realising just how far she had gone.

"Anders, I-I'm sorry-"

"No, you're right," he cut her off, voice beginning to choke up. "I do know that. No matter how I try to stop myself, sometimes there's just no helping who you fall in love with, nor any getting over it."

His words were too honest, revealing much more than she wished to know. But then he turned away and Hawke was left feeling torn.

"You should go," he muttered, shoulders drawing in close to himself. She wanted to reach out to him, to comfort her friend and offer him her support. Yet to do so would only hurt him more. So Hawke withdrew, wishing with every step she took that she could have done something to prevent this.

* * *

"Hawke?"

The single word was soft, tentative, almost reluctant in the way it reached out for her attention. She raised her head, unable to keep the smile off her face when blue eyes met green.

"Fenris."

He was here. After all this time, all this waiting, he had sought her out. Excitement rose in her but Hawke carefully contained it. The elf shifted his weight, uncertainty in every line of his body, and she knew this would not be a comfortable conversation for him.

"I'm sorry," he said, his gaze dropping away from her. "I wanted to talk to you but you're obviously out here to be alone, so-"

"What makes you think that?" she asked and his gaze flicked up to hers briefly.

"You never come sit out here unless you're upset and you want to be alone."

His words struck a chord in her; whether a good one or a bad one, Hawke could not quite tell. Yet there was no denying that Fenris was right. This was her spot, a single place in the world where she would run away to be alone with her thoughts. Yet right now, her thoughts would have to wait.

"Come sit with me."

She patted the rough wooden boards beside her in invitation. Fenris held his breath, glancing between her and her hand a few times before he gave in. His body lowered slowly, and Hawke knew that if she snarled at him or moved too fast, he would shoot away like a bolt of lightning. He was strung tight with nerves but he still lowered his legs to dangle off the edge of the dock. Smiling, she took his hand in her own, ignoring his surprised expression as she stared out at the fading sunlight over the water.

Perhaps she should speak first. Fenris seemed to be having a hard time finding the words but to Hawke, there was no hesitation. All the words were right there, lined up and waiting to spill from her lips. One year and three months was a long time to think of all she wanted to say.

"Do you mind if I ask why you are out here?" he asked, surprising her by speaking first. Hawke sighed, focusing on the weight of his palm against hers.

"I was sick of being around everyone else," she confessed. "They keep telling me I should have moved on by now, or giving me pitying looks for waiting as long as I have."

"Waiting?" There was genuine confusion in his voice so she nodded. "Waiting for what?"

"For you, Fenris. Who else?"

He sucked in a breath and in that moment, Hawke realised that she had shocked him.

"What? You were … waiting for me?"

"You needed time to think so I gave it to you. Everyone said I was a fool, as though they could not even consider the possibility that you might come back to me. But I knew you would." She squeezed his hand affectionately. "I did not know how long it might take but I was willing to wait. And now you're here. That's why you're here, isn't it? To talk to me about that night?"

She met his gaze only to find him stricken with guilt in those deep green eyes.

"Hawke, forgive me. I never should have left you like that-"

"Yes you should have," she said firmly. "You were overwhelmed, Fenris. Things were moving too fast and you needed to step back and reassess for yourself. I never blamed you for leaving like that. I never hated you. I only hoped that you weren't suffering too much on your own."

He was staring at her like she was an enigma he could never hope to fathom. Hawke smiled encouragingly at him, running her thumb over the back of his hand.

"You really waited for me?" he asked, his voice a gentle murmur.

"What, you're saying you didn't notice?" she shot back lightly and he shook his head.

"I tried to stay away. I was … I was afraid to look at you for some time. I was afraid that you would hate me. And then Anders … I saw the way he looked at you. I thought perhaps you had …"

"No. Never. He approached me but I turned him away, Fenris."

"Why? Why would you wait for me? I haven't spoken to you in so long … There was nothing to give you hope. How could you bear to wait?"

"Did you honestly think I would not notice when you started wearing my colours?" she asked, slipping her hand out of his palm and up to trace over the scarlet cloth wrapped around his wrist. Fenris' ears turned pink and she let out a soft laugh. "There were lots of things, Fenris. Lots of little things that gave me hope. Perhaps you didn't even realise you were doing them. But this was one of them. Besides …" It was her turn to look away as a blush coloured her face. "I was in love. It was easy to wait when I loved you so strongly and I was … I was sure you felt the same way."

The words that had sounded so simple and honest in her head left her stomach churning and her heart racing. She had not thought it would be so difficult to speak them but she had done it. They were out now and there was no taking them back. Beside her, Fenris fell deathly still.

"You … were in love with me?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper. Hawke nodded and though she had not thought it possible, her heart raced even faster as she looked up to meet his gaze.

"I still am. And I'm hoping … you are, too."

He was frozen, unblinking and unmoving as he stared in pure shock at her. Hawke felt felt fear and uncertainty chill through her veins. What if she was wrong? What if Fenris no longer cared for her in that way? What if that wonderful night would forever remain a memory?

What if her friends were right all along and she had waited all this time for nothing?

His hand moved, sliding back to catch her own and lace their fingers together. Rough callouses brushed against her skin and she could not help but gasp, heart stuttering at contact that was so simple yet so intimate.

Was that a trick of the light, or was there liquid glistening in Fenris' eyes?

"There are no words to express the depth of my affection for you," he breathed, voice hoarse and breaking.

He moved and in a single heartbeat, his lips covered hers. Hawke gasped, squeezing tight to his hand and only noticing when he squeezed back. Those lips – those perfect lips – moved against hers and she kissed him back, pouring all of her passion and adoration into the act. She pressed against him, needing more of him, needing to be closer. He sucked a breath in, his hand tightening further.

Her free hand moved of its own accord, reaching up to tangle in that thick white hair of his. A groan slipped from his mouth into hers and his lips pressed harder against her, drinking in more of her flavour as she fell helplessly under his sway.

When their lips finally separated and her eyes remembered how to open, Hawke found herself unable to look away. Fenris was flushed, his pupils dilated and a desperate, enamoured expression on his face. Joy welled up inside her and she found herself laughing suddenly.

"I knew it," she cried in delight. "I knew you would come back to me!"

Fenris lifted his free hand, trailing his fingers of the planes of her face in such a tender gesture that her breaths caught in her throat and her heart stuttered in her chest.

"As if I would be able to stay away."

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback would be awesome! :)


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